it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
