Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
