I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
