I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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