shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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