Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
