i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
