FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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