I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
