your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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