I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
