So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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