I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
