dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
