She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
