Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
