You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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