You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
