Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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