saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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