I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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