turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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