You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
