Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
