no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's blow job season.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
