Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
