i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
