So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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