nut hugger
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
