Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
