I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
