winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
