the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
