he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
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I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
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There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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