I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The power of my boobs compel you
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
