My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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