So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
