this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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