hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
