Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
