So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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