My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
