Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
