Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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