one might say we're banned from that church
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
