Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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