brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
