The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
