Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
