I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
