think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
