This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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