I cockslap morals
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
