I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize