Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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