He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
