I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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