Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
