Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
