Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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