I want to stick my p in your. b.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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