And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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