we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
