I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
