Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
