I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
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he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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