just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
