Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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