You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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