Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
