I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
