I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
