Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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