I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
